A Greater ME

This last Sunday I had the opportunity to speak in church in our new ward. My husband & I were given 5 weeks notice & were encouraged to find our own topic. In preparations of speaking I wrote more than 6 talks, but none of them felt just right. This final one encompassed all the ones I'd written & more & I keep feeling the need to share it again so here it is! Hope you all have a great day!! “In order to do our part as women under the Lord’s plan, we must stand strong and immovable in faith, strong and immovable in family, and strong and immovable in relief. We must excel in these three important areas which set us apart as the Lord’s disciples. Through Relief Society we practice being Disciples of Christ. We learn what He would have us learn, we do what He would have us do, and we become what He would have us become. When we gather with this focus, the work of Relief Society is relevant whatever your circumstance—whether you are 18 or 88, single or married, have children or not, or whether you live in Bountiful, Utah, or Bangalore, India.” Sister Julie B. Beck. October 2007 I personally, grew up with the gospel teachings. My father was baptized when he was an adult, my mother, also, grew up within the gospel teachings. As a young child I recall thinking that the sole purpose of women was to be married, have children, get up incredibly early to fix my husband a hot breakfast every morning before he left for work & have his lunch ready, put up produce that my husband grew in the garden, discipline the children, keep the children out of my husband’s way, clean the house, go to church, lecture, I mean teach, my children right from wrong, of things that are “allowed to be spoken of,” do their homework, attend ALL church meetings, no-matter what, have a home-cooked meal on the table to eat as soon as my husband was home, endure family home evenings, family scriptures & family prayer times, amongst many other “wifely & motherly” things. This is how my mother was raised, so this is how she raised myself & my 6 siblings. This is how she showed her love for us. I simply didn’t understand it at the time. When I was in the 4th grade, as we were waiting the final hour of school to be released for Christmas break, I recall our teacher asking each of us what we wanted to be when we grew up & why. One boy said he wanted to be a lawyer, because they make lots of money. He now is, but he chose an area of law that permits him to have more time with his family than he does money. One boy said he wanted to be a police officer so he could go on road chases & do all the things that are illegal. He’s a sheriff now, but he is quite a stickler for obeying the law. He actually pulled over my 7 year old daughter on our go-cart just after dark one night as my husband was following behind her w/ suburban headlights lighting the way. Scared her to death & informed her it was illegal to be riding the go-cart after dark w/o its own headlights. A girl answered she wanted to be pediatric nurse so she could hold all the new babies. She is now a nurse working in a pediatric office loving all the little ones who come through. I said I wanted to be a mother or an orphanage director so I could love & feel loved. Don’t misunderstand me. I know that my parents both loved me, then & now. It just wasn’t expressed or felt very much growing up. My house felt more like a place to dwell than a safe haven. I wanted a safe haven & to provide a safe haven for others. After I was married & expecting our first daughter, I tried to do the things for my husband that my mother did for my father. I felt very inadequate at my attempts. I was very sick with my pregnancy and finally, my sweet husband told me that I didn’t need to get up every morning to make him a hot breakfast & fix his lunch for him. He was very capable of doing those things himself, & actually preferred simple grab & go breakfasts. In his effort of trying to ease my self-imposed duties, it back fired for a bit. What was I supposed to do to show my daily devotion to him? How could he have a good day if his wife wasn’t up, showered, make-up ed & sending him off to work every morning? As my pregnancy progressed & the sickness that came with it didn’t wear off & my over emotional mind kept finding fault with myself, my husband explained to me that I was simply trying too hard. He knew I loved him & he saw how sick I was & wanted to help ease some of my burden. What a difference that made! It took me many years to better see that the way my parents expressed love for each other was not the way I HAD to express my love. I now see the way my mother served our family & see great strength for all that she had to do. She had many things going on that I did not see. My father was employed through the state at a very modest income. He also was in the National Guard & was deployed for several weeks every couple of years, leaving my mother to be on her own with us children. He also served in the Gulf War immediately after my youngest brother was born & had very limited communications with our family for a longer period of time than previously experienced. My family was not then nor is it now a touchy huggy family & “I love you’s” were seldom voiced. As women in the gospel, we are taught that our primary emphasis is to love, serve & teach. Those who have the opportunity are to marry & teach children of obedience, gospel principles & serve. That was another struggle for myself. It was also a struggle for a dear friend of mine. She & her husband were married & starting their family when they learned of the gospel teachings & were baptized. She loved the gospel, she loved learning & growing & knowing that she would be able to be an eternal family. After being baptized & left “on her own” to do the “Mormon thing” she became very unsatisfied with being a “Mormon.” She told me, “Being a member of the Relief Society was explained one way & portrayed another way within the church. All the sisters were comparing themselves to each other. They always had to have their hair done perfectly, their make-up on, have read up on each lesson before it was given, have an amazingly clean house that was nicely decorated, children that were well behaved that spoke only in their turn. They always had to have dinner on time, never yell. Have a garden, eat what was in that garden, know what was going on in politics, be involved in many, many organizations that gave them the opportunity to be an example to everybody around them. Go to the temple at least once a week. Have their children in piano lessons & get perfect grades.” Oh, & be crafty as all get out! After a while she didn’t want to be a Mormon anymore. I empathized with her. I’d hit that wall, too. I asked her what she did. I had met her at church, so obviously she had a breakthrough. She told me that her husband helped her set up a meeting with a counselor through their local LDS Services. It was with her husband & this wonderful counselor that she was able to regain her spiritual footing & work through the insecurities of trying to be the stereotypical Mormon housewife. By talking with somebody who was a Latter Day Saint working mother, my friend was able to judge herself less & learn to look past the pretenses that many women (not just “Mormons”) build around themselves. She & her husband focused more on their person spirituality, as well as that of their children. By doing so, she was able to regain & build upon the testimony she had gained while investigating the church. She was able to better recognize the answers to her prayers & understand the revelations given to her husband & self that improved their marriage & family. She was able to focus more on the spirit & the lessons being taught in their church meetings. Sweet Jan’s experiences are so very much like my own that not only has seeing her & her family’s success given me hope, but the Spirit has testified to me that she & I were meant to meet & become great friends. I see her very much the mother figure I longed for, as well as long to be. I visit with her about how her grown children are & revel in her strength that sustains her & her husband as they continue to love, lead & council their children & grandchildren that have chosen to pull away from the gospel teachings. To me, Jan is one of the many great women who shape & guide my life & testify to me of what great women are. As parents, as well as homemakers, we face a great list of challenges of the world today. We have in our homes instant information, both of good & evil. We have the many distractions of popular media messages that no one is rich enough, smart enough, thin enough, strong enough, energetic enough, crafty enough, & so forth. We have the distractions of clothing & the lack thereof of modest clothing to shop for without leaving our homes. Instant messaging that both builds up & tears down. Many resources literally at our fingertips within our homes that encroach upon the time & space that we are struggling & working continually to keep as a safe haven for all that enter in. With all these & many more workings of the adversary, how are we to increase our faith, strengthen our families, & provide relief? How do we as women & parents truly know if we are leading our young in the right directions? How do we stay above the storm & maintain the calm that is needed? The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life. Qualifying for the Lord’s Spirit begins with a desire for that Spirit and implies a certain degree of worthiness. Keeping the commandments, repenting, and renewing covenants made at baptism lead to the blessing of always having the Lord’s Spirit with us. By putting first things first & SIMPLIFYING, we allow the Spirit to speak to us. By partaking of the Sacrament each week, we are renewing our baptismal covenants. Do you personally take the time each week to think of what those covenants are? Or do you simply go through the motions of attending church meetings & taking the sacrament as it is being passed, hoping that the little ones around you aren’t distracting others or embarrassing you? When we are baptized, we promise to take upon ourselves the name of Jesus Christ. To be like Him. To always remember Him. To keep His commandments & serve Him to the end. In return, our Heavenly Father promises us that He will be our constant companion through the Holy Ghost. That He will guide us to eternal life. That He remembers our sins no more. That we may one day be in His presence again. Because we started this journey of life in His presence. Next, we need to say our prayers. We cannot electronically instant message Him, but we can have instant communications. As we pray, we need to INVITE Him to be with us each day & night. We need to THANK Him for His guidance. We need to PRACTICE thinking about how He has guided us each day to better recognize the blessings He has given us. We need to be GENUINE & SINCERE when we are speaking to Him. He wants to hear from us. He wants to know our happy moments. He wants to know of our struggles. He rejoices with us in our accomplishments & he mourns with us in our sorrows. In November 2011 my family & many others felt the love of our Heavenly Father when my youngest brother lost his life in an airplane accident in the Superstition Mountains. Throughout the night & weeks that followed we felt of the Lord’s presence & strength. I personally felt peace & comfort through the Holy Ghost, knowing Joseph was exactly where he needed to be. It was shocking & I did & do mourn for my brother, but I felt unwavering assurance that he was in the Lord’s presence & that assurance strengthened me greatly. It wasn’t so easy for my parents. No parent should have to bury a child. They struggled with the loss & as I watch their sorrow, I saw that the Lord felt their pain. He weeps with us through our trials. My parents are strong. They never questioned why their son had to be taken when he was, but the pain was still there. Over time, Our Heavenly Father has been able to lessen their pain & help them to better understand & even realize the pain that He had when the Savior was killed. Knowing this & praying fervently for the pain to lessen has helped to strengthen their testimonies of eternal families & of the importance of temple work. We as members of the church can stay afloat by renewing our baptismal covenants each week & saying our prayers, but if we want to move ourselves & our families forward, we must do more. We must read the Holy Scriptures. We can put forth as little or as much effort of reading the scriptures according to how close we desire to be to our Heavenly Father. The closer we want to be, the more effort we must put in. The more effort we put forth, the more clear our answers to prayers will be. The more revelation we will have in our own behalf as well as for those we are charged with. If we want to have our home be a safe haven for all who enter, we must put forth great effort. Our young watch us. They don’t always understand us, but they can feel whether we are putting forth minimal or maximal efforts. I have found turning my house into a home & also a haven is not a simple task. I don’t always have the dishes done, dinner on the table, get the children to & from school on time, I often find myself raising my voice to be heard & not ignored, homework is not always done let alone neatly, or the laundry folded & put away. But I do know, because I’ve asked them, that my children feel love & loved. That they enjoy spending time with my husband, myself & their siblings. They don’t always look perfect, I personally prefer my “stretchy” pants & Tshirt to being dressd up, but they are clean. We have family prayer & feel the Spirit. They recognize the Spirit. They know the importance of the gospel teachings. They know that my husband & I strive to follow the teachings of our Savior. As we each overcome the obstacles in our path, whether they are self-imposed by seeing only the stereotypical Mormon that we think we need to be or ones that the adversary has placed before us, we must put forth true faith in our Lord & do the work that He asks of us to become the greatest that we can. By sharing or teaching others of our personal faith & experiences we are able to strengthen others. Helping them to see that they are not alone in their struggles. Sometimes, we find someone who has very similar struggles as we have & can find relief of our burdens & help relieve theirs.